The Decline of Religion and Rise of Social Media: How to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence in a Post-Traditional World

In the United States, the familiar measures of religious tradition are fading, as a sense of disorientation and disconnection settles over many American Communities. While the pews empty, and the institutions crumble, an unacknowledged crisis of meaning and purpose emerges. For all its flaws and contradictions, religion has also long provided a framework for understanding the world and our place within it. A framework that is now rapidly eroding; individuals are increasingly left to forge their own paths; cultivating morals and manners through intentional effort rather than inherited tradition. In the face of declining religious belief, it is essential for those who reject or question traditional religious dogma to develop a critical new frame of reference for moral guidance. One that combines the strength of our values with the need for personal growth, self-reflection, and intentional effort to create a more harmonious and purpose-driven society. As we pursue this struggle, we must ask: What does this new framework look like? How can we develop a sense of purpose and principle outside the foundations of religion? And what existing philosophical, ethical, and cultural resources can guide us toward a more compassionate, just, and fulfilling way of living?

          My relationship with religion has always been unconventional. In my early years, I accompanied my grandfather to his Southern Baptist church in rural Texas, while my father, his son, maintained an agnostic stance. My mother, deeply spiritual but unaffiliated with any particular faith, encouraged my sister and me to explore various religions and philosophies. I embraced this freedom, reading about Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and more, while sitting on the front porch of our 6-acre Texas home. And by attending services with friends, including Baptist, Eckankar, Latter-Day Saints, and Catholic masses. However, it wasn't until I stumbled upon a passage from a retreat in Scotland, where individuals from diverse faiths shared their experiences, that something resonated with me. A discussion about the relationship between God and creation caught my attention, and I began to form my understanding of spirituality. Because of my upbringing, I couldn’t attribute my morals to one faith, instead, my moral fiber seemed inherent, self-evident even. However, maturing in this world it quickly became apparent that morals are anything but inherent. In reality, almost nothing is. We have to learn how to be human, which includes how to create meaning in our thoughts and feelings, and to choose how to interpret that meaning. Yet, this essential process is often neglected, leaving many to drift through life without purpose or direction. Religion helps provide us with a foundation, but without religion, we must consciously create that foundation ourselves.

          As religious institutions have begun to decline, we’ve unwittingly deserted the moral foundations that these institutions have provided, leaving our emotional development to unfold without conscious direction. Fundamental attributes such as etiquette, accountability, compassion, self-reflection, and responsibility are suddenly fleeting. Meanwhile, many people have attempted to shape their moral and philosophical paths, without intention. While aspiring to self-improvement and -actualization is reassuring, building a strong ethical foundation with the structure of religion requires a deliberate and informed approach. Understanding the processes behind developing emotions, attitudes, and mindsets is essential to learn how to navigate the complexities of being human. People are flawed. We make thoughtless, impulsive, and reckless decisions. We manipulate others based on very little in the wake of our unconscious actions inspired by undeveloped emotional responses. We allow our unchecked and misinterpreted emotions and unexamined biases to guide us through destructive behaviors. When our actions and reactions are emotional, unstable, and sensitive we focus more on the behaviors we condemn in others and less on our own. This behavior creates a cycle of hypocrisy, projection, and impunity. An unconscious cycle that only conscious liability and reflection can curb. There is a fundamental need, as many turn elsewhere for guidance, for religious institutions to confront the possibility of extinction and find new relevance in a world where many people need but distrust religion.

Recognizing the imperfections and shortcomings of religious institutions, we must acknowledge that personal growth and moving forward require effort. While alternative sources of morality, such as humanism and philosophy, offer valuable insights—assuming those who adopt these principles do so with conscious intention and moral purpose—traditional religious beliefs provide a unique and invaluable foundation for our ethical guidance, emotional intelligence, and community building. As we move forward, we must each become the producers of our lives and intentionally help create a culture that reflects our deepest values and aspirations. While personal freedom and autonomy are essential, they can be complemented by the guidance and wisdom offered by traditional religious values and practices; allowing individuals to make informed choices and cultivate a sense of purpose. Religion might be a good fit for you because its strengths can complement your weaknesses, even if you are skeptical about religious institutions. Moreover, among the advantages of being a Christian, you are likely familiar with values such as generosity, respect, courage, hope, love, and peace, morals frequently underlined and understood from an early age. Morals that follow you and mature throughout your life. For example, Christians commonly sacrifice their time for their neighbors, helping with physical labor, etc., regardless of their differences in opinion. These ethics are cited so often throughout the faith that they nurture a shared understanding within the fellowship and serve as an unthinking dedicated compass and daily emotional guide. The sudden decline in religion in the wake of controversy, doubt, and frustration, without a thoughtful and balanced substitute is leaving generations of already struggling youth without the emotional support to form and cultivate essential morals and principles necessary to be human, especially in today’s world. Without the moral foundations provided by religions the weight of seeding these morals falls on parents, educators (in some cases, depending), and self-guided learning (as was in my case).

We must readjust our thinking because this comparable neglect has reached a critical point when the rise of social media has paralleled a decline in emotional intelligence. Consequently, by ignoring the emotional effects of social media, we’ve accelerated the erosion of community cohesion and deepened feelings of isolation, leaving individuals feeling disconnected and unsupported (especially those already facing emotional confusion and loneliness, such as our nation’s teenagers). Including, increased stress, decreased attention span, and reduced capacity for introspection. Additionally, several social media platforms are saturated with hopelessness, mind-numbing vanity, and outright disinformation, further aggravating the issue. Therefore, because of our focus, and the thoughts shaping our personal narratives, we are tapering our focus without direction or purpose. In this way, without direction, we’re drifting through life as time relentlessly marches onward. We are taking no responsibility for our lives, expecting others to remedy our problems, justifying morally derelict behaviors, and inflating less-derelict behaviors as derelict thoughtlessly, citing the similarly careless actions of others as an excuse, such as continuing harmful and biased ideas. Thus, leaving our future entirely dependent on chance while undermining our potential for growth and fulfillment. To break free from this aimless existence, we must cultivate purpose, engage in self-reflection, embrace discipline, and hold ourselves accountable; by doing so, we can unlock compassion, ignite our inherent passions, and live more authentic, purpose-driven lives.

          The crossroads of social media and our emotional and intellectual condition, at this specific moment in history, has given rise to a vast, largely unacknowledged landscape of emotional obstacles. Almost everyone alive has experienced an arrested development, a kind of emotional reboot. While social media enveloped the world, humanity began to experience a collective rebirth, a rebirth that essentially reset emotional clocks and benchmarks and dropped us into a prolonged adolescence. And the generations born after the creation of social media have never experienced the natural shift away from rebelliousness. These generations never endeavored their coming-of-age, their ‘vision quest’ leading them to the emotional and intellectual awakening that older generations experienced partially because of their religious upbringing (those of you reading this, instead of immediate offense consider sitting with the possibility that this might be true in meditation or prayer). Social media reinforced and perpetuated this cycle. The younger generations found online communities with shared challenging experiences, continuing the cycle that effectively preserved a state of emotional stagnation. For instance, individuals born before 1995 typically sought out life experiences for personal growth. While those born after 1995 frequently focused on crafting Instagram-worthy moments, accumulating likes, and emulating social media influencers. This shift in focus occurred when traditional sources of emotional guidance, such as religious institutions, began to decline; leaving a void in emotional intelligence development that social media has neglected to fill. In the same way that we’ve overlooked the emotional consequences of declining religious engagement, we’re similarly neglecting the emotional toll of social media.

Acknowledging behavioral apathies at the moment, and most importantly the seemingly insignificant behaviors, stopping at a stop sign, not only not littering, but actively taking responsibility for your surroundings, being conscious and diplomatic with the people around you, and being honest and accountable—regardless of whether you feel like they deserve it. Behaviors such as these, though minor, develop into necessary characteristics like responsibility, integrity, respect, and mindfulness, and practicing them strengthens and develops them, contributing to living a more conscious and healthy life. While religion may not suit everyone, its unique moral cultivation can benefit those whose emotional and intellectual qualities correspond well to the guidance of religion, and for everyone, including the devout, alternative approaches like self-criticism and accountability are still paramount. The void left by the absence of these morals, and their developed attributes, has resulted in what many consider a moral erosion. For generations, in the United States, we have inherited our morals from Christianity, and many of us need this express inheritance to mature selflessly and sincerely. Without the clear moral framework of religion fostering emotional intelligence through the evolution of core religious values—values such as generosity, respect, courage, hope, love, and peace—we risk social disintegration and ethical ambiguity, leading to a character crisis in individuals and society. To mitigate this crisis, we must engage in open discussions and explore ways to revitalize and adapt moral guidance for our contemporary world, ensuring a harmonious, empathetic, and existing society for future generations.

          As the fabric of religious tradition unravels, the threads of moral guidance begin to riot, leaving society vulnerable to the rumors of chaos and the erosion of empathy. In this fragile state, a society devoid of cultivated morals succumbs to social disarray, as unchecked behaviors rise to the surface, escalating from subtle indifference to widespread disorder. To halt this decline, we must cultivate self-awareness and introspection, beginning with our everyday interactions, focusing first on how we react to one another commonly and when confronted by our biases and indifferences. At the end of your day, every day you can merely relive your day consciously and with empathy. As rapidly as our respectful and diplomatic behaviors are in decline, there is a single setting we can imagine, and find the preamble to almost all of the prerequisite behaviors. A setting where you will uncover those behaviors that encourage social cohesion and develop into a strong, well-rounded emotional intelligence and nurture a sense of community and belonging to highlight the benefits of this setting. This setting is of course your grandparents’ dinner table.

Your grandparents’ dinner table is the quintessential setting for learning valuable life skills. Here, you mastered table manners such as sitting up straight, chewing with your mouth closed, refraining from talking with a full mouth, elbows on the table, and playing with food, silverware, or devices. You also learned essential behaviors like waiting for everyone to receive their food before eating, remaining seated until everyone finishes, sharing, taking turns, and resolving conflicts thoughtfully. Additionally, you practiced expressing gratitude, using polite language, and engaging fully in conversation without distractions. Embracing these behaviors and manners, you cultivate a positive and supportive environment and internalized values that foster social cohesion, emotional intelligence, and character development, whether or not you realize it. Though you may well be aware of these behaviors at the dinner table, you may not know that they become ingrained habits that subtly shape your daily interactions and relationships. The foundations of these behaviors are learned by religion reinforced by tradition and passed down through generations, but less apparent in post-1995 generations, who may have experienced a shift in cultural influences. These are not thoughtless, irrelevant behaviors bestowed on children without reason but rather intentional practices, though the reason may have atrophied over time. Furthermore, and as a result, these behaviors shape your character, informing your actions, reactions, and relationships throughout life. These behaviors develop mindfulness, self-awareness, accountability, integrity, respect, compassion, and responsibility—those behaviors our society desperately needs today.

          The decline of religion is a clarion call for individuals and communities to re-engage with the fundamental questions of meaning, purpose, and morality. We must draw upon the wisdom of religious traditions while embracing the diversity and complexity of modern life. By doing so, we can cultivate a new era of emotional intelligence, empathy, and social responsibility, ensuring that the benefits of religious guidance are not lost but transformed to meet the needs of a rapidly changing world. As we move forward, we must each become the creators of our lives and intentionally write the narrative that reflects our deepest values and aspirations. As we embrace the wisdom of the traditional religious framework, we must also cultivate a spirit of inclusivity, recognizing that diverse perspectives and experiences enrich our understanding of the world and our place within it. By embracing both the wisdom of the past and the diversity of the present, we can forge a more compassionate, equitable, and just future. But none of this is possible without self-criticism, accountability, and introspection. As uncomfortable as it might be, you must step out of your comfort zone, accept the possibility that you might be wrong, and move forward accordingly.